I am thankful that I am not like my father. A man that constantly belittled my mother and made her feel small. This caused me to think about the man that I would become in the future, but I tend to overthink and that is what ended up happening. I pulled myself away from anything romantic in fear of doing what my father did. I scare myself away from love even though it is the one thing that I want to feel the most.
I feared that I would become him so much that I ruined any chances of becoming romantically attached to anyone. As bad as that sounds I am still thankful that I recognize when people are in pain and when they are hurting. I became a nurturer in order to only make people feel happiness. I am happy if the people around me are happy.
I will always be thankful about not becoming my father because I would rather see people smile than cry about something I said or did.
I am sad that I don’t really do relationships, but I am better off because of it. Thanks to my dad I broke myself mentally, which isn’t really a good think, but I broke my shell. I stopped being shy and started to talk to people without a care in the world. I didn’t think about my father and if I was going to be remotely like him. I was more focus on enjoying my life and that made me happy, I put all the bad things behind me, but I still have my negative parts with me as well. I would love to say that one day I will stop comparing myself to my father, but that probably won’t happen. I hope that I will be okay with myself one day and can separate myself with those thoughts. I enjoy making people happy and I will continue to do that.
I guess that is one way that I can continue to better myself. I will continue to be thankful that I am not my father. I am thankful that I can talk about this without any problems because before I would write about my feelings and then stick them in a folder for no one to see. Now I am talking about it two years later. I am thankful for the change I made, and I will continue to change into a person I can love.